I’ve gotten used to making transient decisions; one way or the other my life would go back to normal, or whatever, within a reasonable amount of time, and the road into the abyss of capital “L” Life still seemed to have enough switchbacks and traffic circles to take corrective action if necessary. In other words, I’m not ready to deal with Major Life Events.
Such an event has taken place. No, I must face the music and use the active voice: I have decided what I am doing with my life. Next year I’m off to pursue a PhD in mathematics and that’s that. Five or six years in school, then post doc, then assistant professorship, the full professorship, all if I’m lucky.
Lucky?? I made this decision partly because the thought of my life playing out as the past two years, an annually skipping record, groundhog’s year of teaching ninth-grade geometry, was too oppressive to bear. I continue to expound on the joy of the job to all who inquire, and in these days of graduate school visits, its been frequent enough to stick in my mind. Will life as an academic be quantifiably better? If not, then why take the pay cut for eight years or ten years or whatever it will take to make up the lost dough? Ten minutes ago I was asking myself these questions honestly, but I think I do have answers.
First, the money is not the issue. The pleasures I take in life; friends, music, food, knowledge, sports, sex, the outdoors; have little if anything to do with money. I’m tired of being urged me to take the finance money, or whatever money, and run; tired of even bothering to give it an honest consideration as often as I do because I come up with the same answer every time; I just don’t care.
Second, more importantly, its not a hamster wheel. This school is different from other school, merely by signing up I’m asserting that I have something to offer; research is the name of the game now and it promises to renew itself as I uncover it; and ideally in the process renew me. Yeah, there will be seemingly impassable chasms as I move forward; no one said math was easy; but I’ve always liked mountain climbing better than track anyways.
Bring it on.
